Pressing through the Pain

Pain and suffering has a way of getting our attention.  It makes us stop dead in our tracks. From stubbing our toes, to being betrayed or hurt deeply by others, pain has a way of not only making us stop and pay attention- but it can also be a reflector of things hidden and brimming beneath the surface.

And so what of a deeper pain?  Suffering is a deeper kind of pain whether it is physical or emotional. Suffering is when we have to endure a hardship or heartache with no indication that we are going to be relieved of it anytime soon. 

Four months ago my dog jumped up on me and I twisted and turned just the right way to have my knee pop out of place and misalign. As weeks turned into months of being immobile and in a lot of pain, at one point my suffering brought me to a why?

 Not only a why-but a when. When will I heal Lord? Will I ever walk normal again?

After weeks of physical therapy that did not help, then surgery, I was back in the doctor’s office, with good ‘ole Doc telling me it was a waiting game to see if the surgery took. I am severely knocked kneed and flat footed and he explained both were contributing to my problem with my knee injury.

 The doctor also told me I had to do exercises that were going to be very painful and that I had to press through the pain or my pain was going to keep me from healing. As I left his office again discouraged, I had a feeling that what he said to me was an echo of what someone else was trying to say to me as well.

In the middle of the night at 4 a.m. God woke me and spoke to me. (Not audibly but to my heart) And I mean to tell you when he did; I woke up, sat up, and perked up. This is what He said: “Holly you’ve been physically limping for 3 months now, but your spirit has been limping for quite some time.”

Sometimes when we are hurting or in pain, we want to run from it, ignore it and tuck “it” neatly away. Because out pain hurts to bad to look at or go through. We carry on hoping no one notices our “it”-including God.

 As I sat there reflecting on what God spoke to me, I no longer saw just a wounded knee. I saw my “it”.

 It was a broken heart that awhile ago because of deep pain from previous hurts, I had stopped trusting God.  I realized had it not been for my knee injury, I would have stayed in this place of distrust and going on with my busy life.  

 I also realized that although God did care about my knee issue, he was more concerned about the state of my heart and my walk with him, than my physical walk and limp. I asked the Lord to give me courage to press through the pain with my heart and my knee, in order for me to heal. And I also told him I would rather walk with a limp the rest of my life, than to walk through life as a beat up, downtrodden, Christian.

As I think of Christ’s sufferings and how those sufferings brought about our salvation and redemption, I realize that as much as I want to be like him, I do not like the suffering part. I somehow want to be exempt from that part of Christianity. Christ suffered for a cause greater than himself. And for this girl that hates suffering, it’s hard in my selfishness to think of suffering for a cause greater than me.

God asked me a question awhile back and I must admit it left me speechless. He said: “Would you be willing to go through pain and suffering if you knew one day it would bring victory and freedom for someone else?” Hard question and hard pill to swallow for this girl that wants a carefree, painless life.

As I was reflecting on all God has showed me recently during these last few months, the Lord led me to read in Hebrews. As I got to the bottom at 12:12 I smiled as I read this verse. For I knew God had given this to me as a precious gift to encourage me. It says: “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”

I feel the Lord is reminding me through this scripture, let me make you strong when you suffer. Trust me in it. And let it be used for a cause greater than yourself.

 So its 4 months later and I’m still in pain and walking with a limp and not knowing when I will heal completely. But I’ve come to realize I don’t need to know all the answers to my why’s and when’s. I’ve come to realize God does use all  things for the good if we will let Him. 

And I’ve also come to realize that I may have knock knees and flat feet, but they are firmly planted and standing on the most solid rock there is: Jesus.

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