I’m no longer a big fan of Valentine’s Day.

I’m the kind of girl who likes to be surprised if it involves my hubby picking me up something or doing something sweet, not because Hallmark told him to do it.

And ladies let’s be honest, how many times have we seen men on Valentine’s Day near the card rack at the local drug store, sweating profusely because all the good cards are taken?

Earlier on in our marriage I had this hollywood pre-conceived notion of what romance was. And my husband knew he better deliver on Valentine’s day or else!

I was quite the pitiful, needy case. Talk about pressure.

So, for Valentine’s Day I compiled a list of S’s which will not just make one day special and happy, but your lifetime of being married.

1. Serve your spouse (It’s not all about you) First, I highly recommend you buy the book The Five Love Languages from Gary Chapman. (this book revolutionized my marriage and relationships) You will learn your love language and your spouse’s and it will help you to serve your spouse in the way that they receive love best. Serving does not come natural for most of us. So when we go out of our way to pack lunches, get a car washed, clean the house, leave a beautiful note, rub feet or backs, that stuff goes a long way.True servanthood is done without expectations of what you are going to get in return.

2. Study your spouse (become a student to your spouse’s needs) Something miraculous happens in our marriages when we stop being critical analysts of our spouse’s flaws and rather, become students to their needs. Ask your spouse questions like, “In what ways can I be a better wife or husband? What area’s do you feel I need to improve on most?” We need to be teachable, do our homework, and figure out what makes our spouses feel loved and valued. There is a shift that takes place in our marriages when our spouse notices we are authentically trying to learn how to love them better.

3. Speak life into your spouse (build them up) Let me be real honest here. This has been a very hard one for me. My mouth gets me into more trouble than anything else. I can be a pro at nagging and controlling. So, when I asked God how to help me be a better wife, he took my voice for a while in order to give my husband his. You know that saying if you can’t say anything nice than don’t say anything at all? Nagging, silent treatments– these things do not change our spouses, it only makes them bitter. We can encourage our spouses into the man or woman God has made them to be. Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24 

Jesus said anyone can love those who love them. What good is that? It’s when we love and serve with a pure heart, without unrealistic expectations, that we will see our hearts and marriages become more Christlike.

So, have a Happy Valentine’s Day friends. <3

Enjoy it. Eat some candy, show some love, but remember not to put too much stock into one day.

When you focus on loving your spouse all year long, you don’t need a holiday to prompt you to love, because you realize you have a Savior, who is the Author of Love, who has been teaching you all along.

*Because I believe in the book The Five Love Languages, I wanted to give you a chance to win a copy! Here’s what you do: Sign up and subscribe to my blog (if you haven’t already, just type in your email), write a comment below this post, and share it on the social media of your choosing. I have share buttons on this page. I will draw names in a couple of days and announce who the winner is! 🙂

If you liked this post on marriage here are a few more to encourage you. 🙂

What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married 

Tales From a Nagging Wife 

16 Tips For a Happy Marriage

{image source: can stock photo}

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