Awhile back a friend called to ask me some advice about a conflict she had with a recent friend she cared deeply about.
She had seen issues in her friend that she never knew existed. Ugly sides that just seemed to seep out out of nowhere.
As we talked she was pretty concerned with the character of this friend and if this could be red flags to whether she should stay in the relationship.
“What do I do? Do I stay in the relationship with someone I may not be able to trust?”
I began to ask her these questions:
“Has this person been a good friend?”
Answer: Yes.
“Has this person been there for you?”
Answer: Yes.
“Do the positives from this relationship outweigh the negatives?”
Answer: “Absolutely.”
She knew she had her answer.
This is the thing God is teaching me : we all have issues and character defects. Ugly sides that we tuck away that most people don’t see except for the few up close and personal people which live in the same household.
There are times when my loony self, which is outside of my normal behavior, comes out and I’m ashamed and embarrassed. And most of all, exposed.
And I believe when we see a not so pretty side of others, it gives us the opportunity to give out grace that we desire to receive when others see ours.
Here’s another way to look at it, have you ever felt annoyed by someone because you can see through their flaws and weaknesses? Yet…
Others rave on them? And you think to yourself are we talking about the same person?
The late Brendon Manning said, “We are a paradox of contradictions”.
Those negative flaws that we may discover about others may be partly true about them, but it says in God’s word we were all made in His image. So when we see those shining, brilliant, beautiful qualities in others, we are seeing a reflection of God’s image and heart.
We have a choice if we are going to see the good and believe that to be the truth about whom they are or focus on their shortcomings. (just an FYI, it says God will judge us in the same measure we judge others. Ouch.)
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
We could take this verse and add the name of someone we are judging to each verse.
Whatever is true about ________, Whatever is noble about ___________,whatever is right __________.
The older I get the more I’m aware of my flaws and issues. And I get worried that others may see them and judge me based only on those flaws. Maybe that’s because I’ve been too quick at times to write someone off, judge them for their weaknesses or mistakes they have made.
Can we challenge one another to concentrate on the beauty in others and not the areas where God has not yet sanctified?
I’m not saying there won’t be times in our lives when we have to step away from a toxic relationship or distance ourselves if someone’s behavior is repeatedly hurting us or those around us, but most of the time conflict with our loved ones is really a test to check the level of our grace barometer.
Our Father looks at us through a lens of grace, love and mercy.
I’m thinking I need to adjust my vision. How about you?
Love this Holly!! Good contemplative thinking to wrap my head around!
Thank you Melanie! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂