I sat in the chair fidgeting, crossing my legs, then uncrossing.

“You’re like a black cat on a ledge Holly.” said my therapist a few years ago.

“And whenever your husband does the slightest thing to make you upset he’s afraid at any minute you will pounce. That could be why he hides things from you.”

I was speechless. I was also transfixed on the image of the black cat in my head.

Because that was me.

A controlling, domineering, pouncy thing. I had developed these character defects in my childhood as defense mechanisms, but, what had become a form of protection was now enslaving me.

And hindering my marriage. And keeping my husband distant.

Wow the illusion of control. I was taught growing up  if you just say it harsh enough, loud enough, and long enough, they will listen.

Or another tactic,  pull away enough and be cold and quiet long enough, they will comply.

Most of us struggle with control, just in different ways.

There are all different ways to be controlling, but they all stem from one root:  fear. Fear that a person or situation is not going to change so we think we have to fix it.

I’ve been trying to slay this dragon of being controlling for years.  Some days, weeks, or months go by and  I do really well, other times not so much, but Jesus and I are on a journey and I’m asking Him to iron this thing out of me.

We know that Jesus was fully God and also fully human. And He dealt with some pretty, horrific, unfair things in His life. And when you look at how He responded, it’s such a beautiful example for us.

• He didn’t scream.
• He didn’t rant.
• He didn’t shut down and pull away.
• He didn’t threaten or belittle to try to get His way.
• He didn’t act passive/aggressive.
• He didn’t go gossip to all His friends.

He spoke His heart and mind, calmly. He used scripture to back up His heart. And when needed, He walked away.

All of it represents one thing:  He trusted His Father.

He knew that love, prayer and trusting God is what changes people and situations, not control.  Not demanding. Not manipulating. Not demeaning someone.

Recently my husband and I got into a heated argument. I wish I could say I passed the test with flying colors and scored 100% on my control issue. I did not.

But, I do feel I progressed and in the middle of me starting to pounce, The Lord warned me and I walked away.

Sister or Brother we have control issues. And trust issues. Will we leave our people and situations at God’s feet and before we start pouncing, STOP, walk away and pray?

Because the truth is, love does not demand its own way. 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT)

Love waits things out. Love keeps silent before saying something really stupid. Love trusts.

I love cats. Even black ones. The purring, calm, sweet kind. 😉

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