It’s hard to be tied in knots and bound while trying to become who Christ made you to be.
When you’re so entangled with fears and insecurities you don’t know where the real you begins, or ends.
When my father was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago, as he battled, I was battling right along side of him. I felt I was losing ground. I was losing my “good christian girl image” as I waged war with fear, anger, grief and loss.
Tragedy and crisis have a way of exposing any false identities in your life.
Any pretty, shiny masks you have managed to secure and fasten, hastily fall off as your hands flail about trying to control what’s happening around you.
Jesus as He approached Peter and the disciples said, “Follow me and I will make you to become..”
I’ve noticed some things when Jesus begins to unravel us to make us become who He made us to be.
He asks some tough stuff from us.
He asks us to leave behind anything that we find our identity in outside of Him, and to believe His love for us is enough.
See that’s my problem and has always been my problem.
My whole life I’ve never felt enough.
Yes, in part it came from my dysfunctional upbringing. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve delved into my past junk. But, friend there comes a time we have to stop looking into the past.
What I am after, is the cure.
And if you are reading this, you may be as well.
My two masks I hide behind:
People pleasing:
I will jump through hoops and be someone I’m not, to make you ok with me.
( “And ladies and gentlemen welcome to the stage her best friend, because misery loves company…”
Perfectionism:
I will perform flawlessly to make me ok with me.
Both are fear based. Both make you cray cray. Both are exhausting.
Here are two symptoms of these lovely maladies: You find yourself frequently saying you’re sorry. And you are constantly obsessing if others are upset with you or approve of you.
So, I keep asking, “Jesus what’s the answer, how do we fix me?”
And every time I ask, He just keeps putting me to bed.
I’m not kidding.
Every time I try to talk to Him about these issues, I fall asleep.
In the bible there are two kings, Saul and David. Both chosen by God.
Saul loses the throne out of fear and disobedience from chasing men’s approval. And David is given his crown because instead of seeking man’s approval, he chased after God’s heart.
David is also the guy who wrote, the 23rd Psalm, and the lines, “He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters.”
So, remember when I told you God keeps putting me to bed when I try to fix myself?
That’s it beloved. Simple as that. Not easy, but simple.
Rest.
Resting in His presence is our cure for our people pleasing and perfectionism.
God’s economy is upside down from this worlds.
The world’s economy:
Strive, do more, stay busy and kill yourself until the day you die to feel good enough.
God’s economy:
Sit, rest, be still, and know until the day you die, you are enough because my love for you is enough.
Notice this has nothing to do with “doing” or “fixing” but “being.”
In my constant struggle to be enough, I’m always asking God what He wants me to do next. The other day this was His reply:
“Just be my daughter.”
Huh?
He said it again. “Just. Be. My. Daughter.”
As we sit at Jesus’ feet, our true identities are made known. The masks that use to feel comfortable, no longer seem to fit.
Hear this friend:
When people come over to our houses they don’t have to be perfect.
Our quirky flaws we keep trying to hide? Our people who love us, actually kinda like them.
And as hard as it is, and as much as it goes against our striving, co-dependent tendencies, may we be Christ-dependent, and rest in being His Daughter or Son.
Because in His arms and His presence that is where our worth is found.
And when He unravels us, we begin to see who He is making us to become.
And we realize His love is enough and what we needed all along.
*Hey friends, if this post rang true with you and you would like some further encouragement, please do yourself a favor and read Love Idol by Jennifer Dukes Lee. This was a life changing read for me. She is so real and transparent and will truly be a fellow soujourner with you on this journey. Love and blessings to you.
cant wait to sart reading your blog! I need this! im so tired of comparing myself to others, daily, and ive been praying about it. i thought i was alone in this! love you holly!
Thank you Andrea! I’m so glad it encouraged your heart. Girl–I’m with you, so tired of comparing myself as well. May we rest in Christ and lay it down! Love you as well. Thank you for coming by. xoxo