Recently I had an epiphany, I think that’s what it’s called.

I had a serious, come to Jesus moment and it changed my life and I’m praying and hoping, maybe, it will change someone else’s reading this.

This post is not going to be all glossy, pretty and put together. This is going to be me uncut and unedited. And those that stay and don’t unsubscribe are my people, my tribe. And, the folks I want to sit and talk with about our jacked up issues and how Jesus is making us new. (that may end up being three of us but, that’s ok).

Those that get offended or realize I’m way too intense and crazy, that ‘s okay, I’m finally getting to the point hallelujah! that I’m okay with that. I wish you all the best. (and yes I am crazy. I’m embracing crazy).

Okay back to Jesus.

I’m looking at myself in the mirror.

And I’m so stinking sick of the masks I wear, the things I’m ashamed of about my life, like:

I come from a dysfunctional crazy background, my marriage was almost demolished by some really sick stuff we both brought into our lovely union, and drum roll….I have depression, anxiety, ADHD and am I’m on medication. 

 (You have no idea the healing that has taken place for me to tell you that.) 

That I look at other writers and speakers who have parents which raised them in church and have 20 college degrees and I’m like, “Yeah, OK, Jesus I’m so NOT that girl and what in the world are you going to do with this???”

So, I’m looking in the mirror and I say to Jesus:

“I can’t do it anymore! I can’t hide, I can’t wear these frigggin masks! 

This is Jesus’ response:

“It’s about time, finally girl! Whew, I thought we were gonna do this another 20 years.”

Okay, He may have not said it in those exact words, but you get the point.

I always thought God made us rip off our masks. Cuz, sometimes I see Him as really bossy and controlling, because I can be really bossy and controlling. But, oh no He is a gentleman. He has manners.

So I asked, “How is this done then? How in the world do we take these suckers off?!? The church keeps talking about it, but bottom line me Jesus.”

He gave me a vision. (and I swear I don’t think I’ve ever had one of these), but He showed me when we wear masks and carry much shame of who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve done, etc. We are crouched to the ground, heads hung in shame.

Shame not only hangs your head, but your soul.

So, He showed me as we get closer to Him, get open and honest, He begins to heal us with His love, and gradually, our posture begins to improve. We slowly start to stand, (sometimes shame sits us back down) but, He helps us stand and rise, again and again.

As I’m having this vision, I can see and feel Him standing behind me.

As He is standing behind me I ask, “So then, YOU, take the masks off?”

His response: “No, but I stand with you, behind you, loving you right where you are, and give YOU the courage to.”

So, here I am friends.

Mask less. (and feel very naked, please be gentle).

And this blog is getting ready to shift, because my spirit has shifted. My soul is no longer hanging. I am still going to talk about Jesus and the church and parenting and marriage, but, now without fear. Ok, my knees will be knocking why lie, but Jesus will give me courage.

I am going to talk about depression, mental illness and how we as the church need to get educated and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Why in the world can we accept since the fall, that have we diseased bodies and not wacky brains?

I want to share about hiding, masks and how it’s gravely hurting the body of Christ and keeping us enslaved in addictions of many kinds. I want to be more honest about my pride, ego, self-righteousness, and sometimes nauseating narcissistic self, and by the end of my posts I promise you will feel much more normal. 😉

I’m going to start conversations, that I pray, YOU, keep going by sharing your wisdom and knowledge.

I want us to share these things, not for the sake of just saying, “I’m real” or because I want to talk about myself, (ok sometimes I like doing that too, sorry I’m mask less), 😉 but because for the love of Jesus, I need healing. And writing heals me and shows me what I’m learning, but, most of all, if I can help one soul to feel braver, more loved and less alone then so be it.

Confession: I use to want to be a famous Christian writer and speaker. I dreamt about being on a stage and being known as the Christian girl who finally got her act together.

I confess, my ego still craves that. But, what I long for more than anything in is to be a wounded healer, sitting in the trenches with you, saying, “me too”, pass the potato chips, and ice cream, and let’s thank God for grace.”

I love you all so much. And pray I can be a better servant to you with my truth, my love and letting this online home be a place of not just transparency, but healing.

Let’s be brave and mask less together,

Holly

Sharing is caring!

Facebook

Linkedin

Twitter

Pinterest

Buffer