I find these three things to be the hardest things to do on this planet:
1. Love God
2. Love myself less
3. Love and forgive others as God does.
Now, these three things happen to coincide with the two greatest commandments He gave us:
Love God with your whole heart, soul, mind and strength and love others as yourself. Luke 10:27 Writing that sentence feels exhausting and impossible.
Isn’t God cute? Talk about a divine set up.
He knew that we were going to be self-absorbed, self loving little suckers all about ourselves and then some. And He knew us loving Him and others was going to make us have to be completely dependent upon Him.
(That was the point I think…)
Anyhoo, our peeps in our lives are our greatest gifts He’s given to us, so therefore, let’s commit to transforming our relationships and to loving our people better.
Here’s five keys to do so:
1. Bitter Root or Boundaries? This last year I was holding onto a bitter root against someone I loved and I was calling it “boundaries.” We Christians, we love the word boundary, let’s be honest. Now, I’m not saying we can’t or shouldn’t have boundaries, they are healthy, but Jesus knows when it’s a bitter root. Boundaries are healthy, safe, and necessary. Bitter roots feel ugly, go deep and keep us from forgiving. Here is a sign of a bitter root: you keep rehashing the offense in your head and whenever you think of it your anger arises. If someone keeps coming to your mind while reading this, you may have a bitter root. Pray and ask God to help you pull that sucker out and forgive.
2. Let Go of Expectations- My father always said a quote about relationships (not sure of author) that was life changing for me, really, total game-changer. “Expectations are premediated resentments.” Read that again. ( l know, light stinking bulb moment!) Anytime you’ve had an expectation in your head of what someone should do or say and they don’t meet your standards, do you get resentful? Expectations are killers of relationships. Let them go and you will feel a freedom like never before.
3. Replace “Let’s Get Together Soon” With This: “Let’s get our phones out and set a date now.” Here’s the thing, we all have crazy, busy lives. I know we are all important, bless our little hearts. But, more importantly, we know the people in our lives matter more than anything else. I always found myself saying, “let’s get together soon” and though I had good intentions, it was not happening. So, God challenged me to replace the old with the new and since I started applying this new habit, it has revolutionized my relationships. (blog post coming soon on this).
4. See Others With New Eyes- Phillipians 4:8 says whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Apply this scripture to how you see others and I promise you will be like a blind man seeing for the first time. Well, maybe not that extreme, but I promise it works! There is not one good thing that comes from concentrating on people’s flaws, but asking God to see them through His eyes?!? Ask the Lord to help you see what is admirable and true about the people in your life. You will start to feel all feely towards others you never have before, and think you’re going crazy.(in a good way of course). (feel free to thank me later 😉
5. Loving and Forgiving Like Jesus– We can shout, holla, and claim to love Jesus, but if there was a measuring stick to check our maturity in Christ, this would be it. Ouch. I know this hurts, me too friend. I am a varmint. (yes, that’s a real word) I simply do not have it in me naturally to love others like Jesus or forgive like Him. In our flesh, we naturally want to pay people back, gossip, hold a grudge and the list goes on and on. How in the world do we begin to love like Him? It goes back to our relationship with Him. When we are rooted and grounded in His love first, we can then, pour it out to others.(Ephesians 3:14-19) The key to loving others well is to first let God’s love overflow us. Only a whole heart can love fully.
{image source: canstockphoto.com}
I love your key #5. Alone, we cannot exercise the love of God as Christ did. We need to find our identity in Christ; our identity God gave us through His grace first. Then and only then can we have the full confidence “full heart” to BE who God made us to be and to walk uprightly like Jesus did. I think of how I John 4:7 says, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God…” Thanks for writing an awesome post!
Hey Sam, love that verse in 1 John, one of my favorites! Thank you for your encouragement and for coming by! Blessings to you.
Great post Holly. Love the list. #1 I have so been there. Had a very dear relationship and called it a boundary but really it was anger and deep (I mean I let it be deep) rooted bitterness. Until I let go what that person was doing and simply loved them for who they were. I didn’t need to change them. I need God to change my heart. He is always faithful. Thank you for sharing with us at Sitting Among Friends on Wednesdays. We look forward to seeing you next week.
Jaime,
Girl, I know all about it. The Lord spoke the same thing to me about trying to change others and letting Him change my heart. Man the freedom that comes from that when we lay it down! Amen?? Thanks for coming by sister and for giving me the opportunity to share on your blog space! Blessings to you. xoxo