I will never forget sitting on the front porch waiting for him to come, knowing deep down he wasn’t. And I remember sitting there distinctly as that 6 year old little girl, wishing and wondering what it was like to have a dad that was there.

A dad that not only showed up but, took you places and wanted to spend time with you. But sadly I would not have that dad no matter how much I wished or prayed. A monster of a disease was consuming my father and it would until I was 18 years old.

He wasn’t just an alcoholic, he graduated to crack cocaine and I could tell you stories that you probably wouldn’t believe about things stolen, days he was missing, and hearts devastated and worried sick. But, as my dad always says, “I’m not here to share my drunkalog I’m here to talk about the solution”.

When I was 18 my dad started going to AA meetings. I didn’t really know what they were, I thought it was just a place for alcoholics and addicts and that told them what to do. I didn’t really care what all they did, all I knew was my father was dying of a disease and had promised to get sober 10,000 times was now sober. And when 3 months turned into a year and then 2  years and my dad was evolving into this other person for the first time in my life, I knew I was witnessing a miracle.

As time went on I would go to a meeting each year to watch him speak on the anniversary of his sobriety. As each year passed and as a family as we sat there another year later we would look at each other and everyone of us exhale a little more. The first 5 years especially I think all of us wondered would he make it to next year?

As my dad started sponsoring others and I started to see them getting sober and watching them speak and seeing their lives transformed, I realized fully, miracles were taking place everywhere in this program. And it peeked my curiosity to look deeper into this program and why it was working when other things like rehab and church was not.

Around that time God had been speaking to me about the body of Christ on the masks we wear, and He spoke to me one night as I sat in on an AA meeting. As I sat listening to a woman who was a heroin addict who had only one day clean pour out her heart about her disease and how she had lost her children and was scared to death of never getting them back, and others share very personal things with much shame and remorse, I sat with tears falling off my face and felt humbled to my core. I felt conviction. I felt sorrow for the families. Yet, hope. I felt such a paradox of emotions and also felt I had witnessed one of the most spiritually profound things I had ever seen.

I felt God whispered to me, “These people have to bare their souls or they will physically die, if the body of Christ doesn’t start taking their masks off, they will spiritually die.”

I was boggled. I was taken aback. And I went on a hunt to find why this program worked when others applied it, when others going to the altar like my dad one hundered billion times his whole life, did not.

As I researched the steps and read the story of how the program came to be. Ha. Bingo. I remember looking up one day as I was reading and saying out loud, “Lord! You are sooo good! And sneaky!” (wise as a serpent, gentle as a dove) The whole program and book (laced with scripture but not quoted  is christianity 101. But Bill and Dr. Bob knew you couldn’t thump drunks over the head with the bible or religion. Many are agnostics or athesists. They knew they had to get them well first and clean before you can try to tell someone about God. (try telling a shaking alcoholic or heroin addict who can’t even think straight they just need Jesus.)

You see the program was founded by Dr. Bob and Bill W. (both chrisitans mind you) who both were drunks and could not get well to save their lives. And the only way both of them could get well, was to share everything with each other, get humble and sponsor one another. (basically walking this thing out with each other, in truth and love along with 12 steps founded on principles that this was a spiritual malady and only God in His sovereignty could make them well). It worked and they shared their message, wrote the Big Book, and the rest is history.

I’m not here to say going to church doesn’t work or giving your life to Christ. For many it does, Jesus does heal and deliver some at once. But, for hard core drunks and addicts it does not and I will tell you why. And this is happening throughtout the church today btw, with other addictions as well, pornography, affairs, other sexual addictions, eating disorders, the list goes on.

What God whispered to me at that meeting that day. You see we wear these squeaky clean masks. And we carry way to much pride to ask for help for our weaknesses. We just go along with our little show of perfect and put together and we sit and  judge when we hear an alcoholic who has 3 months sober drop an f bomb.

Yet most of us are full of dead man’s bones as Jesus talked about with the Pharisees. Wearing our white washed tombs and robes and clean on the outside and rotting on the inside. The beauty of AA is you have to spill your crap or you won’t get well. (Jesus came for the sick did He not?) Well, we in the church have taken the gospel and we have taken away things like repentance and boldness and being truth bearing for the sake of not making others “uncomfortable”. (I’m not talking legalism here, I’m talking the real gospel).

Sit and listen in to a couple drunks working the program. You may hear an f bomb or two, but, you know what else you will hear? Realness. Love. Genuine concern for the other. Boldness. And something I crave and yearn for every single time I sit in on their meetings. GENUINE FELLOWSHIP. They are a true family, because they have walked through death with one another. And they truly know each other’s good and ugly and they love one another anyway.

I know God is still performing miracles throughout the church and His body, but my concern is the majority. The ones suffering in the pews with all kinds of shame and needs somebody to stand up and be real and say, “I’m suffering too”.So, I’ve learned from Alcoholics Anonymous. I’ve learned from my brothers and sisters in this program. And I’m so honored and so proud of every single one of them. Because dang it takes courage to spill your junk. I admire them so much.

And my dad? Oh my gosh. There are not words big enough or long enough to explain the miracle of his life. (he’s gonna write a book with the help of my sister so you will get to read it!), he is a living, breathing, miracle. And I speak for my brother and all my sisters, we don’t have to sit and wait and wonder anymore what it is like to have a dad that is there, and takes you places and wants to spend time with you.

Through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and our Savior Jesus Christ, my father’s life has been redeemed. Restored. Made new. And everyone of his children’s hearts are being healed more and more every day. Only Jesus can do that folks. Only Jesus being all knowing, all wise, knew what my dad needed and so many others suffering with this disease.

I am learning more and more from AA all the time and my dad and his sponsees, and I’m watching miracles. And I thank God He is not limited to a building, or denomination, or our narrow mindedness. He uses different avenues for different people because none of us need the same thing for our healing. But one thing is constant. It’s His love that changes us. And chases us down and exposes us when needed, not for the sake of punishment but our deliverance. May we take the masks of, because in the words of the late Brennan Manning,” we are to be wounded healers for one another”.

I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother, and found all three.
(author unknown)

*If any of you or your loved ones are suffering with this disease and need a sponsor or helping finding one or want to attend a meeting, please contact me through facebook would love to connect you with my dad and some of his friends! Also, I had the honor of introducing my dad at his 20 year anniversary. He spoke that night and shared his story. We have free copies of that CD for anyone interested.

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