There are times I do not want to give God access to all the areas of my heart. It’s just the truth of the matter.
It stems from the fear that He will make me do things I simply don’t want to do.
Like, give Him the parts of my heart which are reserved for bitterness and cynicism because I am convinced they protect me from getting hurt again.
Or the parts of my heart that are convinced He is not enough so I flock to immediate comfort like food or facebook.
Jill Briscoe asked this question the other night at If: Gathering.
“Where was the place you lost your edge or joy with the Lord? Ask Him to show you the place you lost it and He will.”
As I pondered her question I couldn’t pick a specific place or event.
All I could see was small choices over time where I stopped trusting Him wholeheartedly. (Pardon the pun).
You don’t just wake up one day and decide to put a lock and key in certain rooms and chambers. It just happens because life is brutal.
Today I read this scripture:
“Here I am, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person and they with me.” Revelation 3:20
I was thinking today of how when the Lord knocks on the door of our hearts it sounds different at times.
Sometimes it’s loud and annoying because He is trying to get our attention.
Nothing in our life seems to be working so we become miserable. In fact, we become so unbearable to be around we can’t even stand our own selves.
And Jesus is at the door saying, “Here I am. Will you hear me? Will you talk to me? Will you let me in and help you?”
Then other times the knocking feels more like a light tap.
It’s like something seems to be missing but we can’t quite put our finger on it. Then someone will say something which makes our ears perk up and our hearts beat fast.
Later that day we will lay in bed wondering, “Was that you Lord? Was that you trying to speak to me?”
The other night I was talking to the Lord about my guarded heart.
As I closed my eyes and prayed I saw snapshots from my life.
I saw moments I was scared and ran. I saw me with clenched fists of anger and choosing pride and fear.
I saw when days of doubt and discouragement crept in because Jesus frankly, seemed nonexistent.
But then as I tuned in and looked closer I could see other moments.
I saw me being brave and strong even in devastating circumstances. I saw me full of hope and peace and stepping into the woman God made me to be.
As these pictures flickered through my mind, tears shot up to my throat, ran up to my eyes, and pooled out like a river.
And the Lord whispered to my heart:
“All those moments of joy and trusting me Holly, even in the hardest moments of your life, was when you let me in. When you stopped trying to protect yourself and let me be your safety. When you did not withhold any part of your heart from me.”
Dear sweet friend, is Jesus knocking on the door of your heart?
Is He your safety and peace? Or, have you chosen to bolt up certain rooms as I have at times?
As you pray and look over moments of your life, I pray you will see that He has always been there, and that He never left.
And if you have never invited Christ into your heart, I pray today you will open the door and say yes.
What I know about our Savior is His love is relentless and He will always be in pursuit of us.
He will never stop knocking.
He has so much to say to us my friends. So much joy, hope, and truth to pour into our souls.
Whatever you and I are going through today– I pray when we hear His voice calling and saying our names we will go to the door, turn the handle, and welcome Him in.
Because what else I know to be true?
He loves nothing more than to dine at the table with His kids.
