When I was a little girl I loved having best friends, yet I was always eventually hurt by them and shocked when I was. I am now an adult and still love having close girl friends and I’m still surprised when we hurt each other, but God opened by eyes anew today about friendship.

He used Mark 14 to show me some truths my heart and eyes needed to see.

Here Jesus is in the garden of Gethsemane, getting ready to be crucified and it says, He was filled with so much sorrow to the point of death. He’s at the hardest moment in His life.

He keeps going to the disciples and asking them to stay awake and pray. He goes three times. He’s facing a horrible crucifixion, He needs his friends, and they still couldn’t manage to stay awake. He confronts them and it says, “they did not know what to say to Him.”

His friends that have walked with Him. Laughed with Him. Learned from Him. His friends that for three years have shared everything together, yet on the worst night of His life, failed Him. They were speechless from their actions. They are selfish. They are too tired and they are major disappointments as friends.

After reading this I thought about those closest to Jesus; Peter, James and John. And I thought about Judas, the one who betrayed Him.

I related to each of them, because I have been each one.

I have been John, the friend who stayed through thick and thin. John was the only one besides Jesus’ mother that stayed with Him at the Cross. The rest fled.

But, I’ve also been Peter, that stuck my foot in my mouth, spoke before I thought, made promises I couldn’t keep, and hurt my friends deeply with my words and actions and out of fear fled and ran away.

And embarrassingly I’ve been Judas, betraying my friend’s trust. Gossiping out of hurt or anger and selfish, insecure motives because I was putting myself, and feelings first.

I have valiantly succeeded as a friend, and failed miserably and I’ve beat myself up horribly when I did hurt my friends.

I realized today after reading this story, I’m not alone. I’m not the only one that hasn’t been a perfect friend. Why did I ever think I could be? Where did I get that from? I know I’m going to fail as wife and mom at times, did I not realize I would as a friend?

Our culture has painted this unrealistic, romanticized, fairy tale illusion of friendship. And I’m here to tell you it doesn’t exist.

This is my disclaimer from now on to my friends:

Dear Friend,

I’m a really cool person. I have awesome qualities, talents and gifts that are going to add to our friendship. There are going to be days you are going to be grateful we are friends.

I may be great in a lot of ways, but can I be honest? I have issues. I’m not perfect and I’m not going to be a perfect friend. I’m going to mess up sometimes.

Because of my humanness and flaws and tendencies to be selfish, self-absorbed, insecure, and prideful, I’m going to disappoint you. And most likely hurt you at times with my words or actions.

So please do not go into this friendship expecting that I won’t, because expectations are killers in relationships.

Don’t put me on a pedestal, don’t think I am going to be your dream Bestie, because you will be sorely disappointed when I fail you. Our society has told us that BFF’s or “True Friends” won’t ever hurt you, leave you, or betray you, when it’s the furthest from the truth.

We are all messes and true friendship is going to be messy.

It’s going to be at times encouraging, exhilarating, fun, hilarious, enlightening, and comforting.

But, don’t let that fool you. It may also be hurtful, disappointing, devastating, lonely, and broken.

Because I am broken.

And so are you.

And our flaws and failures are eventually going to seep through the cracks. And our masks are going to fall off.

So what does real, true friendship do?

It stays. (it may take a break, but eventually it returns).

Forgives.

Goes the distance.

Believes the best about the person even after they have seen their worst, ugly sides.

True Friends– may fight with their friend, but also for their friendship, because nothing is easy – and any friendship or relationship worth having, is worth fighting for.

 I’m willing to fight if you are.

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